Pain drains you

I've started this year in pain... Mostly bowel pains, they were there every day... some days more prominent than others, but there.... Then the bleeding started and pelvic pain along with terrible back aches started... All about my uterus hating me and all.... I went to several doctors and finally found out what the bleeding was about, which was a relief... I am on the second type of hormones to try to control that. With the first type the pain had subsided a little... I still felt discomfort but it was totally manageable. With this second type, it seems the bowel pains have returned with a vengeance... I've been reading up on things and it seems that endometriosis can cause this shit. Some days my entire belly is just sore... those are the good days... Other days, any movement feels like my belly is gonna burst open... coughing is a nightmare... the pain literally brings tears to my eyes. Even tho I am losing weight i am so bloated that clothes don't fit me.

Living in pain drains you. I feel tired all the time. I have no energy. I feel ugly and bloated. I have dark circles around my eyes. I am bitchy and short tempered. I'm exhausted! You know there's something very wrong when you hope for days when you are "just" sore.

This fucking sucks. Big time!

A quick update

The last couple of days have been a blast! To think I wasn't even that excited for my birthday!!! Was amazing!!! Had 4 separate celebrations (I know... too much... but so much fun!!) First one was last Sunday. My best Friend and I have birthdays about a week apart and the same group of friends... so we had a lunch celebration together (started at 2pm... I got home around 11pm), then on Wednesday, me and 3 friends went for dinner and waited till midnight... the whole staff came out with a sunday singing happy birthday and all.. was fun! On the day of my birthday, mom took me out for a special lunch at my favorite restaurant and then on Friday we went out ballroom dancing to celebrate with family and family friends!

I have stopped bleeding! It was a birthday gift! I managed to get all tests done and hopefully once I get the results, the doctor will be able to give me a diagnose. My myoma has grown from 4.3 to 5 cm in 6 months... Not cool, but not a matter of concern so far... Just have to keep an eye on it.

The Challenge

For the NF challenge, I need to have 3 fitness goals and 1 level up goal. I've been thinking about those for a few days now and I think I have narrowed them down to fit the 4-week challenge. I am still unsure of which guild to pick... They have all of these guilds depending on what you wanna do/type of activity... I am afraid I don't fit in any of them so I'll probably end up being a Rebel, which basically means you don't fit anywhere else!

So to the challenge...

Goal #1

• Eat healthy.

I get lazy a lot. When I get lazy I don't want to cook, so I order out. When I order out, it's always pizza or a HUGE burger with fries. That's obviously -not- healthy. 

I am not following a set diet, but I do need to control my carbs and fat intake. Counting calories sends my anxiety over the edge so I will be logging the quality of the food rather than the quantity.

Goal #2

• Drink water.

I will drink pretty much anything... except water. I always have a glass of juice, iced tea or soda by me... or coffee.. tons of coffee... but never water. I want to get into the habit of drinking at least 2 L of water daily. I mean, how hard can it be? It is always hot here in Brazil...

Goal #3

• Complete my spreadsheet

I need to get in the habit of updating my spreadsheet daily.

• Weight log once a day
• Body measurements once a week
• Food log and notes daily

Goal #4

• Read a novel and a Science book

Over the years I haven't read as much as I used to or would like to. I have a HUGE line of books waiting to be read, calling my name. I have started reading the handmaid's tale by Margaret Atwood today and will start Physics of the future by Michio Kaku. I am a fast reader, so I believe that if I read a little bit every day I will be able to finish both books in 4 weeks (well, 5 really)

You will notice there isn't an exercise goal. I will do that as I can, but because of health issues, I am not allowed to exercise at the present moment. Hopefully, that will change in a couple of weeks and for the next challenge, I'll be able to add an exercise goal!

*Sigh*

No gym this week... I must say I am bummed tho... Cant really lift weights and I haven't been feeling well at all. At this point I just want the doctors to figure out whats going on... don't really care about anything else.

I'm tired of all these health issues. It's disheartening to not know what's going on and frustrating coz in order to find out i need to get tests done... in order to get tests done, I need to stop bleeding... Blood clotting meds didn't work, hormones didn't work... so now we are hoping that just letting my body do whatever is gonna work. Stopped hormones and blood clotting meds... we'll see.

I'm eating healthy so that's a plus and hopefully can compensate for the lack of exercise. lol

I'm just tired.

May the force be with me

Well, I had no internet all day yesterday and I hate typing on the phone... so... I turned to playing with clay to keep my mind busy.

I'm still not happy with his face... Will have to do something about that.

I went to the endocrinologist. He wants me to get some of the blood work redone coz he wants to be sure it isn't my high insulin levels that are making the TSH go up... if it isn't, hypothyroidism it is... let's hope not! He also prescribed this injection that should normalize my pancreas... It's sooooo freaking expensive tho! *sigh* He was quite pleased that I lost 2 Kg in one month, so there's that... continue with exercising and diet *Ughh*

I didn't go to the gym yesterday. I did eat the leftover zucchini noodles. but did have a sandwich for dinner :( I'm sorry!

Hopefully today I'll do better. I'm meeting my stepmom for dinner. I'll try to keep it as healthy as possible while eating out. 

The beginning of a plan!

I can't wait till the next nerd fitness challenge!!! I think I have all of my goals organized for that but some of the how to's are still foggy. We'll cross that bridge when we get to that, eh?

Until the start of the next challenge is here for me to bask in its awesomeness, I have decided on some very simple things I wanna start doing in order to start getting used to a healthier lifestyle. 

• Fill in my spreadsheet

I have several tabs in my spreadsheet. A friend made it for me... I am good with excell but not -that- good. It is amazing if used properly... honestly! There's a tab for logging food and notes about the day, one for logging weight and measurements, one for comparing weight fluctuation according to the phase of the menstrual cycle, one for graphs (coz let's face it... who doesn't love graphs? -- Don't answer that... I'll be upset :P ) and one with weird calculations for a weight goal and how much should be lost per week. 

Thing is... I only have to fill in two of those tabs and all the rest fills in by itself... It's like magic! Which means I am just lazy really.

• Eat vegetables every day 

Well for starters I am a picky eater... there's that... So not a lot of variety on the menu... so I might get tired of eating the same stuff... But also I can't be lazy and go for pasta coz it is easier to cook, yanno? I did good for dinner today, tho!

Are you spotting a trend of laziness yet?

• Go to the gym 3 times a week.

No comments on this!

• Keep up with doctor's appointments and whatnot

At the present time, I am dealing with a couple of different issues on top of the regular stuff brought to you by the ever so lovely PCOS and Metabolic Syndrome. They are mostly hormonal. I have been to the doctor and have scheduled some tests which will happen in the next 2 weeks to try to find out what's going on with my uterus. I'm pretty sure I have the answer: My uterus hates me... that's the problem. My doctor doesn't seem to agree with me and wants to dig further. The PCOS and Metabolic syndrome are flaring up (mainly coz of poor life choices) and I will never hear the end of it when I go see my endocrinologist tomorrow, I am sure... Not sure what the course of action will be there... will know tomorrow and update. 

I think those are the main things I am trying to get under control before the challenge starts and I am sure some of my goals will derive from this. At this point I count every little step as a HUGE win, so bear with me if I get super excited over almost nothing!

Yay me!

I'm still stuck on the first step. My day was so completely insane that I didn't have time to think about gym or anything else really.

Yesterday I rejoined the need fitness forums again for some accountability/motivation. Last I was a part of it, they were really supportive and made it easy to achieve my goals. I'm hoping that happens again. In 24 hours I've seen some new faces but also some people from 5 years ago...I'm excited! They have a 4-week challenge starting mid-March. I'll join that. I need to come up with 4 goals, three being fitness goals and one being a level up goal. I am definitely more comfortable with short-term goals. 

Even tho I am still stuck on the first step, I can say that I am proud of myself today. I dealt with stress today by painting instead of eating... Yay me!